Module 3:
Supporting Your Child Like a Coach
Get Oriented
"Each person holds so much power within themselves that needs to be let out. Sometimes they just need a little nudge, a little direction, a little support, a little coaching, and the greatest things can happen."
~ Pete Carroll
With the shift to online learning, many parents are having to support their children’s education in ways they never imagined. Thinking of yourself as your child’s coach can help you and your family tap into success as you navigate together the new way of doing school. We will consider:
How to communicate with your child like a coach;
How to motivate your child like a coach; and
How to help your family function as a team.
Module 3 explores supporting your child like a coach in distance learning. When you approach parenting as a coach, you tackle tasks and challenges at home from the perspective of being on the same team as your child. Parents as coaches skillfully avoid power struggles with their at-home learners and build trust and create a dynamic of mutual respect, fostering a sense of self-confidence so students face learning tasks with resilience and persistence.
Each module in this series encourages you to customize your experience to what you personally need. Pick and choose what best applies to you, your context, your comfort level, and the learners in your care.
2. Read & View
"Coaches are aware of how to ignite passion and motivate people. They have an energy that is contagious and know exactly how to get their team excited."
~ Brian Cagneey
Can parents/caregivers have an energy that is contagious and get kids excited about learning at home? Just as you cheered them on through early childhood challenges like when they learned to walk, igniting your child’s passion for doing school remotely requires similar positivity and passion. To overcome the potential setbacks and frustrations of remote learning, consider thinking of yourself as a C.O.A.C.H.
In distance learning, we can intentionally plan for supporting like a coach. Parents/Caregivers who coach ask:
C: How can I communicate with empathy and respect?
O: How can I organize the game plan for remote learning?
A: How can I acknowledge my child’s need for flexibility yet remain consistent?
C: How can I celebrate progress and encourage perseverance?
H: How can I help (not take over) to empower independence?
The resources below offer insights on supporting like a coach.
The resources listed here invite choice. Read and view what seems most applicable to your learning and your practice. Just click on the buttons to visit the article sites and view the short videos
READ IT
Five Easy, Powerful Ways to Validate Your Child's Feelings by Jeffrey Bernstein Ph.D.
The Language of Respect by Marilyn Price-Mitchell Ph.D.
Why Flexibility is More Important than Consistency in Parenting by Nicole Schwarz
What Motivates Your Child (7 Steps To Effectively Motivate Kids) from Parenting For Brain
Parenting: Raise Independent Children by Jim Taylor Ph.D.
How to parent like a coach by Parenting Place New Zealand
VIEW IT
TED talk with Julie Lythcott-Haims
Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish (Summary by Real Happy Endings)
from Psych2Go
Tips from UFHealth
3. Reflect
Module reflections are self-directed opportunities to synthesize what you've explored and to consider your own practice. These are fast journal entries to invite new thinking and to inspire action steps.
“To some extent, the players take on the personality of their coach. If a coach looks unflappable when things are unraveling and remains confident and doesn’t doubt himself, players observe and imitate that.” Steve Mariucci, former head coach San Francisco 49ers.
“Suggesting we build flexibility into our parenting isn’t a recommendation to become permissive, but rather, to have an openness to re-evaluate decisions when things are not working well.” Ariadne Brill
To be successful remote learners, kids need to believe parents/caregivers are on their team. When the learning gets tough and the student is feeling overwhelmed by a concept or an assignment, parents/caregivers who recognize and validate their child’s stressed response and feelings of inadequacy can eventually motivate them to go for the win. What other “plays” should you have in your “Support Like a Coach Playbook?”
In quick bullet points, respond to the following prompts:
How can I communicate like a coach so my child knows and believes we’re on the same team?
How can I actively listen to my child with empathy and respond with respect?
Am I creating structure at home yet remaining flexible?
Am I motivating my child by modelling enthusiasm and a positive, can-do attitude?
How can I empower my child to become an independent learner?
Read over your quick responses. Where do you see room to grow? What is one way you want to improve in the upcoming week?
The “Practice” section that follows offers strategies and ideas to try out. Does one align to your reflection?
4. Practice
Exploring this module with other parents/caregivers? Consider collaborating on one of the practice activities below and share feedback to one another on your experiences.
The following exercises are short action steps that offer you optional resources and activities to support your work on supporting like a coach. Consider trying one (or more!) out this week to enhance your practice. To reveal the instruction, click on the “TRY THIS” title(s) that interest you.
+ TRY THIS: Practice Being A Team
They say TEAM stands for, “Together Everyone Achieves More.” When you plan some intentional family meetings and events, you can build connections that will give you insight and ultimately help daily routines and activities go better.
Like a coach, set up norms for healthy communication. Clearly articulate the goal of learning to work together by playing and listening with respect to each other. Some ideas for family TEAM-building times might include:
Have weekly family meetings and take turns answering fun and also deeper questions like:
What motivates you to do your best? What do you find most difficult about learning at home? If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? Look up “Would You Rather” questions online and practice empathetic validation and listening skills.
Break out the board games and have some friendly competitions. Give bonus points for when positive and encouraging things are said.
Look up “Minute to Win It” games online and plan for some family fun together time practicing perseverance.
Have your kid coach you as you learn from them about something they love such as an online game like Minecraft, or perhaps an app your teen enjoys.
Generate ideas for new things your family can learn to do together such as trying new recipes or tackling a home improvement project.
+ TRY THIS: What Did You Learn From Your Parents?
This is a good time to look back to your past and consider the good and the bad from how you were parented as a child. You may recall family traditions and stories you hold dear, and some you’d rather forget. It’s not about blame or shame. “Knowing ourselves and making sense of our experiences helps us to differentiate, to shed destructive layers from our past that limit us in our lives and become who we really seek to be.”
Read the article Seven Ways Your Childhood Affects How You’re Parented by Lisa Firestone Ph.D. Ask yourself:
- In what ways do my kids “trigger” me?
- Am I putting undue pressure on my kids to undo something from my past?
- Are there cycles from my past I need to break?
Just as this unprecedented time can be an opportunity to learn and do new things, so can it be a time to face old and unhealthy habits that need to change. Coach yourself to do the hard work of facing the past, and maybe find yourself a coach or mental health professional who can help you face and resolve possible issues.
+ TRY THIS: Remember Coaches or Mentors From Your Past
“Be the person you needed when you were younger.” (Ayesha Siddiqi)
Who helped you along the way? Break out those old yearbooks and photo albums and remind yourself of teachers, relatives and friends who brought out the best in you.
How did they do it? Was it what they said, how they made you feel, or how they challenged and empowered you to face difficulties?
Are you reminded of mistakes you made or failures that actually taught you valuable lessons?
Consider sharing these stories, if age-appropriate, with your kids. Reflect on how powerful it was to have someone believe in you. Give that same gift to your children.
+ TRY THIS: Connect with Other Parents
Check in with other parents about how they coach kids. This is not the time to go it alone. Ask other parents what they’ve learned. Share resources, start an online book club, reach out to friends for ideas.
Join an online parenting group: 7 Online Support Groups for Parents During COVID-19 Pandemic
Take on online parenting class: Love and Logic Parenting Online – Love and Logic Institute, Inc Online Parenting Course Details ⎸ Positive Parenting Solutions Online Parenting Classes (Active Parenting)
5. Dive Deeper
If you have time and interest, explore these optional resources for supporting like a coach.
Resources for Motivation from Harvard Child Development
Mirror Neurons, Empathy and Connected Parenting with Jennifer Kolari (podcast interview by Dhru Purohit)
How Parents Can Foster Autonomy and Encourage Child Development
14 Tips to Motivation from SPROUTS
The Brain Circuits Underlying Motivation: An Interactive Graphic
How To Be a Good Parent During COVID-19 Dr. Aliza W. Pressman, Mt. Sinai Health System
Coronavirus: Teaching Kids and Working From Home During the COVID-19 Pandemic from UC Davis Health
6. Review
Self checks for understanding help your students take agency for their progress and next steps. They provide affirmation that they are on the right track or insights to the questions they need to ask.
Self-checks are for understanding, helping your child take agency for their progress and next steps. They provide affirmation that they are on the right track or insights to the questions they need to ask. Take a moment to consider your own affirmations and questions:
Did you consider the way students do best with support?
Did you identify part of your support that can be improved in relation to your child’s learning?
Thank you for all you are doing to support your child’s learning.
NEXT: Feel free to move ahead to Module 4 when you are ready.
Copyright Notice
This content was created by Jeff Utecht Consulting Inc. in partnership with the Association of Educational Service Districts of Washington (AESD) It was created to be used by educators and organizations to support students. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License. Which means. you can use it and adapt it to fit your own organizational needs. We just ask that you please give credit back to the original work, that you not charge for your adapted work and that your new work is also free to others to use as we all are in this to support students.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.